I was thinking again about why the earlier part of this term has been a bit rocky. It's not that I was being cocky, thinking that I could gloss over concepts or thinking that description would be enough. What I didn't get was that my own interpretation, not the critiques of others, but my own analysis was important, was sought and would be valid. This is a new way of thinking for me; it's not about finding what other people say about a topic I'm interested in that I agree with and then apply it to my interests. But rather seeing how my thoughts (analysis, research) on a topic fit within a broader community of knowledge on this topic I am interested in. I don't have to filter my thoughts through others, but I can use others' theories to test my ideas; they can be a filter as in a strainer: to see what sticks and what falls away. I otherwise conceptualized the filter to be more like a photographic filter that goes over the lens (my minds' eye), to 'correct' my vision. If thinking of filters as lenses of this kind, I should think of them (theories, literature) as 'effect filters' that can accentuate, increase clarity or contrast, or (as in the 'star filter') excite/intensify my ideas.
I also realize how foreign the language is that I am having to employ in the theory class. I never speak of capitalism and parliamentary democracies and revolution and domination except in the most superficial. Perhaps some would say that is a failing of my not taking an interest in that. It is not that I do not see the forces of these issues, I just have never looked at them academically. The language I am used to is experience, meaning, subjectivities. Politics comes into my interests when talking of representations - but this still only forms a component of, not the main component of my interests. I suppose it is impossible in academia to get away from fiefdoms, they are in all disciplines and departments. I fell for the 'interdisciplinary' rhetoric to find myself in a place with 2 camps (rather than 4). Maybe that's a step up?
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